Repost of an original after my Enoch Homeschool convention presentation – May 26, 2016 entry due to our temporary season homeschooling the minis again during covid-19 quarantine after a two year break! Powerpoint included to help families organize
Continue Reading...Archives For Education
I greatly appreciated these NeuroLogic videos as a mom of 6+2 during the sudden Coronavirus-19 shutdown pandemic of 2020. My head felt like a roller coaster juggling the shift to organize both my family and teletherapy for several agencies with different protocols. What a ride!
Continue Reading...
“Beginning the Homeschool Funnel”
Hello to my “Newbie” friends. Welcome to the Homeschool Movement!
“Starting the homeschool process is much like using a funnel. We add many components that filter through and flow out to your family’s mix. This workshop will discuss the natural process to get started homeschooling.
“Organizing, goal and vision setting for homeschooling is a process. Some families need a reboot to plan long term. This workshop helps parents evaluate their priorities and values for global planning.
Here is a LINK to the PowerPoint so you can click the links….https://drive.google.com/file/d/0B38T9lYEqjrSQ21iV0pFbGwyOEE/view?usp=sharing
We Struggle too!
Anger among caregivers is an area I struggle with, from being and working with Parents. Family-based counseling therapeutic methods taught me a great saying:
“it is better to connect before we correct.”
It’s much harder to connect first than to demand kids fix their actions and attitude. It requires us, caregivers, to reach beyond the anger for their HEART.
As a mom of six children (plus a few extras), I understand the many many challenges of parenting. Did I say many? For this reason, I do not judge parents and caregivers who struggle.
I also do not judge caregivers who have spoiled their kids with a lack of discipline, thereby losing their respect. These kids also tend to struggle significantly with anger.
Reconnecting = Reaching Below Anger
When kids are little, reconnecting can be more straightforward because giving attention and kind words are the primary solutions. It seems both children and youth mostly understand genuine love and care more than anything else.
Teens often require more time and effort than younger kids. It can take more work to earn the privilege of connecting if they are consistently angry. Furthermore, if teens stay upset, they may resort to harmful behaviors to cope with their emotions.
After reconnecting with the child or adolescent, I personally revert to reviewing the importance of showing respect and consideration for authority figures, including therapists.
Yes! It’s Discipline Time
For some, this part of parenting is the most difficult, and it seems like a quick fix to have someone else fix/discipline our children. But what else is to be expected of them if most of the time with them is spent yelling? If this is the approach, both parents and children will continue to rise up the escalator of anger.
This anger iceberg tool may also illustrate what feelings are really underneath brewing. Sometimes understanding how we feel gives us options in our reactions.
This is an ongoing journey for many parents and caregivers. Therefore, there is no use judging a caregiver needing more effective methods to help reach angry kids and youth. Instead, I try to lead with a heart to help, with useful tools like anger iceberg illustration above CLICK FOR PDF FROM INNER GROWTH.
Here is another excellent illustration option below, which was found on the Gottman family website CLICK FOR GOTTMAN LINK
The Bottom Line
Children, by lousy behavior and anger outbursts, are just attempting to say, “I really need and would like a much more loving, positive attention… then your discipline and advice.”
“Your kids require you most of all, to love them for who they are, not to spend your whole time trying to correct them.”― Bill Ayers
Admittedly anger is a common and difficult emotion to deal with whether you are feeling it or on the receiving end from someone. I have noticed the explosive and damaging impact on family life when anger goes unchecked. When it’s from a child it’s often difficult for caretakers to contain and manage. Anger in adults can also be difficult to help unless the individual chooses to address their challenges.
I recently found a great video on anger on Dove.TV channel YouTube. I enjoyed therapist Patrick Doyle because he breaks down components of anger then discusses how to understand and deal with adult’s who have anger management challenges. What I love most about this resource is how Doyle weaves in his personal challenges to overcome overcome anger that was a byproduct of his childhood abuse by one of his parents. I found it to be a relatable and practical resource I have recommended to many so I decided to write about it. Part 2 Looking Beyond the Anger was even more useful for information to deal with anger.
Since anger is unavoidable whether we express it or not, I have a few principles for people to consider:
1. Anger is a symptom. If someone is angry, including myself it’s typically just the tip of a glacier iceberg and indicates a deeper problem that needs to be addressed. In this video, Patrick describes anger as often a symptom of underlying hurt or injustice the person perceives they have experienced. I call these “glasses”. Our childhood and life journey often impacts how we view offense.
2. If someone says they are not angry but often appear smoldering has investigation work to do. For some reason they are unaware and unwilling to accept their own emotions. I ask questions like:
Why?
How long has it been this way?
If answers are not obvious and easy then I pull out a trauma-informed lens to further ask root questions that begin with
What happened to them?
What was their family of origin like?
3. Grief and disappointment are often subcomponents of ongoing anger. These troubling factors are often not easily resolved so it’s usually also time to consider any coping techniques. Kids especially benefit from learning ways to “Get the yuck stuff out” and so do adults. If we don’t… we are back to step 1 symptoms.
4. Some people continually choose not to show or express their anger. Kids often do this because they have no clue how to use words. Adults may minimize pain and pretend they aren’t hurting. Then the symptoms may show up like illnesses. Kids may also act out and mistakenly seem to have an attitude or low motivation. Meanwhile the root may possibly unresolved trauma.
